Hallway Publishing

Facing Homelessness – An Anonymous Essay

Millions of people deal with homelessness on a daily basis. Whether it is that they are homeless, are threatened to be, or are caring for someone who is. It is a relevant and scary topic to deal with, and when faced with it, our faith is often tested.

This story by an anonymous family is not unique. It is one that is shared among countless others and should not be ignored. Take a moment to not only pray for this family, but for the many others in similar situations. Do your part in your community to reach out to the struggling. May they be safe and secure always in Gods grace.

Facing Homelessness – One Family’s Struggle

& honest look at the emotions surrounding.

 

 

I’ve spent 98% of my life in poverty. Now, in my adulthood and with several children to provide for, I am far from breaking that cycle.  Having a family too young, desperation leading to numerous bad choices, along with plain ole stupidity–I sit here still. Same chair, same scenery and same tested faith.

With children in tow, I face–once again–the real threat of homelessness. Down to my toes I want to believe that God gave us this house and therefore he would not take it away. By pure grace we are here and I have never denied that. I give God the glory for everything we stand on now and have built.  I pray through all my loss and confusion. I pray till I have no words left.

I hate the timeline. The feeling of panic. Through the noise I am trying to listen… hear direction. I want to do what is right and in God’s will, whatever that means to prevent my children’s displacement. I just need to know now what should be my course. But really–who am I to set boundaries and time on the creator of all things and the one who can surpass and break through any and every road block?

I know none of it is my place to question or to ask. My fear comes not only from the unknown but more, getting caught with no plan. Left at the last minute needing to move with no where to go. What would we do with no money? How will it effect my children once again being faced with no security? What happens when school starts up again? I fear for my babies being exposed  to insecurity, uncertainty, and potential risky situations. They will have no bed to call their own. How will we function? Should I search for help now? Should I just pray and wait for an answer? How long do I give before planning our exit?

Plainly I feel lost and unsure. There is some peace but it is threatened daily by my fears and questions. I also feel angry and hurt–shamed by my many failures. I battle with giving up completely on all I have worked for, not just waiting for the last shoe to drop.

For once I want to feel like it will be okay. Not just this moment but every moment. A place where I can modestly lay my head knowing it won’t be taken away. I want my children to not fear their home will be lost and stand comforted by the fact their parents can take care of them.

I know that even if we lose our home, we will have so much more than many others and for that I feel guilty and undeserving.  I try not to ask for things but only listen for direction so that I may fulfill the purpose that God has made for me.

If I am not on that path God, please show me the right way. I want to live in your glory and no longer shrink back to my past out of fear of my present. I am listening — please speak.

 

 

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